7 Ways to Calm Angry Kids

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As a homeschooling mom who has adopted seven children from foster care, I know firsthand the struggles of dealing with angry kids. Over the years, I’ve faced yelling, screaming, kicking, and fighting. I’ve had kids throw things, storm off, and shoot daggers at me. Trust me, I understand the phrase “if looks could kill!”

One thing I’ve learned is that anger doesn’t help anyone—not the child, not the parent, and not the family. If left unchecked, anger can become a habit, creating a toxic environment for everyone. For homeschool families, this can be especially challenging because you’re spending most of your day together. But there is hope, and there are ways to calm the storm.

Here are four things I’ve learned about anger and seven ways to combat it, especially for homeschool families:

4 Things I’ve Learned About Anger

1. Kids Get Angry Because They Feel Out of Control
   When a child feels overwhelmed or powerless, anger often becomes their way of regaining control. The outburst might give temporary relief, but deep down, the child often feels worse afterward.
2. Anger Stems from Missing Coping Skills
   Children need to be taught how to cope with frustration. Simple things like sharing, taking turns, or managing disappointment need to be modeled from a young age. If a child hasn’t learned these skills, anger can become their default response.
3. Angry Kids Often Blame Others for Their Problems
   It’s easy for a child, especially one who has faced trauma, to shift blame. Whether it’s their birth parents, teachers, or siblings, they may struggle to accept responsibility for their actions.
4. Internalized Anger Is Just as Harmful
   Not all anger is outward. Some children bottle it up, allowing the anger to simmer inside, which can be equally damaging. This can lead to a negative, distorted view of life, affecting everything they do.

7 Ways to Help Your Kids Manage Anger

1. Spend One-on-One, Quality Time Together

Kids often get angry because they feel disconnected. As homeschool parents, we can get caught up in the busyness of lessons, chores, and activities. However, spending just 5-15 minutes of uninterrupted time with each child can make a huge difference. Play a game they love, read a book together, or simply talk. This connection helps build trust and reduces anger. For foster or adopted children, this is especially critical as they may have deeper emotional needs.

2. Remember: Anger Is Just a Moment

It’s easy to let our minds race to the worst-case scenario when our children get angry. We worry that their behavior now will lead to future problems. But it’s important to remember that a moment of anger doesn’t define them. Heather Forbes, author of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, reminds us to stay in the present and not let fear of the future overshadow our love in the moment.

3. Stay Calm, No Matter What

I know it’s hard, but when your child is angry, the best thing you can do is stay calm. If you escalate, so will they. When you keep your cool, it helps them de-escalate too. This also teaches your child that they don’t have to “win” with anger. Sometimes, staying calm requires us as parents to learn our own coping skills, especially if we didn’t grow up in a peaceful home.

4. Don’t Give Too Much Attention to Anger

Sometimes, the best way to deal with an angry child is to ignore the behavior (as long as no one is in danger). Don’t feed into the anger by trying to “fix” the situation in the heat of the moment. Instead, praise them when they calm down or make a good choice. This helps break the cycle of anger by reinforcing positive behaviors rather than giving attention to the negative.

5. Avoid Lectures During Angry Moments

When a child is in the middle of an angry outburst, they are not able to listen or learn. Any attempts to teach, lecture, or correct will fall on deaf ears. Instead, say, “I love you, and we’ll talk about this when you’re calm.” Then, when they’ve calmed down, you can address the issue constructively.

6. Sometimes Anger Is About Something Small

Have you ever been hangry? Kids can feel the same way! Sometimes a child’s anger is simply the result of hunger, tiredness, or frustration over something unrelated. Offering a snack, a quiet time to rest, or a simple conversation can often dissolve anger before it even has a chance to escalate.

7. Prayer Works

At the end of the day, no matter what tools or techniques we use, prayer is essential. There have been times when I’ve stopped in the middle of an angry situation and prayed right then and there. Whether it’s sending out a quick prayer to a friend or silently asking God for peace, prayer invites Jesus into the situation. His presence can calm both you and your child.

Tools for Calming Angry Kids

If you have a child who struggles with anger, or if you know a family who is dealing with this challenge, I highly recommend my book Calming Angry Kids. It’s filled with practical advice and tools to help families, especially homeschooling families, navigate these tough situations with grace. It’s possible to move from chaos to calm, and this book offers hope.

Anger might not disappear overnight, but with the right strategies and plenty of prayer, you can create an environment where peace reigns. There is help. There is hope. And there is calm ahead.

 

“I felt as though Tricia was sitting next to me sharing her personal stories and giving me help, guidance, and encouragement for my own parenting journey. If you have a child who struggles with anger, sit with Tricia and let her encourage you as well.”

Jamie Ivey
Bestselling author of If You Only Knew, host of the podcast The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey 

Hope and Refreshment for Homeschooling Parents

Need more ideas and advice on homeschooling? Pick up a copy of Homeschool Basics. Receive tried-and-true homeschool advice from veteran homeschooling moms Tricia Goyer and Kristi Clover. We dish out practical help on getting started and staying the course. Homeschool Basics will remind you that the best homeschooling starts with the heart. Packed with ideas to help you push aside your fears and raise kids who will grow to be life-long learners. Kristi and I believe that homeschooling can transform your life, your home, and your family. Mostly, we believe homeschooling can truly prepare your children for the life God’s called them to live. Don’t let doubts hold you back any longer. Get Homeschool Basics on Amazon Now!