Why I Retired from Being the Hero of the Household

Audio By Carbonatix

(And Took Up Front Porch Therapy Instead)

There was a time, not that long ago, when I thought being a good mom (and wife, friend, neighbor, and church coffee table re-stocker) meant being the hero and rescuing everyone. The lunch bags for co-op were forgotten, and I was suddenly in my ‘Mom Uber’ era—no five stars, just five kids. Laundry emergency? I became a stain-fighting ninja. Kids whining? Let me perform a full-blown therapy session in the cereal aisle.

In my head, I was winning at life. But in reality? I was tired. Like, “I’ve worn my shirt inside out for two days and didn’t notice” tired. Here’s where it gets fun. (And by fun, I mean humbling.)

When my family didn’t react with the awe and applause I expected (you know, no one handing me a Best Supporting Mom trophy), I’d slide right into victim mode: “Oh, I guess I’ll just do everything while everyone else lounges like Roman emperors with juice boxes.”

And if that didn’t get results? Hello, villain mode. Not like evil villain, but the version where I mutter things like, “Fine. Let them figure it out,” as I angrily chop celery.

Turns out, I was living in something called the Drama Triangle—Rescuer, Victim, Persecutor. (Dr. Stephen Karpman named it, but let’s be honest, most of us have vacation homes there.)

The Hero’s Epiphany

Okay, it was actually my health coach that pointed me to reading about the drama triangle because I was so caught up in being the hero and caring for everyone else that I wasn’t caring for myself. But as I read about it, something clicked. What if I retired from being the household hero? What if I stopped reacting and started choosing?

That’s when I discovered the Empowerment Triangle—thank you, Dr. Wayne Andersen and the LifeBook.

The Empowerment Triangle

• Instead of being a Victim, I become a Creator (yes, even when the kids use the garden hose to “clean” the car and then tracked mud into the house).
  
• Instead of being a Rescuer, I become a Coach—supporting my people, but letting them do the work (it’s wild what happens when they realize their socks don’t fold themselves).
  
• Instead of being a Persecutor, I become a Challenger—loving, honest, and calmly handing over electronic devices after chores are done.
  

Mindset, Not Magic

When I stopped reacting to everything (and everyone), I found that I also stopped needing food to cope. I stopped reaching for the chips when things got stressful and started reaching for a journal, a walk, or my favorite water bottle.

Scripture backs this up. Romans 12:2 says:

“Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” 

That’s what happened. I didn’t change my family. I changed how I showed up in it.

Now? I still love my people. But I also love my front porch. And the flowers. And the breeze. And the freedom of letting go.

Your Summer Assignment

Retire from being the overworked hero of your household and step into being a calm, powerful coach. Let your family feel the heat of a microwave dinner every now and then. You don’t have to fix it all. You just have to show up… changed. And maybe, if you’re like me, in flip-flops.

Additional Resources

Daily Bible Podcast

We’re Tricia and Michelle, two friends inviting you to join us in reading through the Bible chronologically this year. Reading the Bible every day can be a challenge. We’re here to summarize each day’s passage and provide action steps … in under 15 minutes.

Grab a buddy and join our community. Take the plunge, and let’s read through the Bible together. We’ll be cheering you on all the way!