Why Is My Child So Angry?
Homeschool
Audio By Carbonatix
“Why is my child so angry?” I remember asking myself that question many times when my kids were younger. My heart would pound with fear. What if this doesn’t change? What if I can’t control my child? And just as bad, what if—because of their anger—I can’t control myself?
Now, with my oldest child being 35 and my youngest at 14, I can look back and see how much I’ve learned through those challenging moments. But in the thick of it, with fists pounding the floor and angry words being thrown around, I felt lost. I wanted to control the situation, to calm my child, and most of all, to stay calm myself. But that was easier said than done!
Looking back now, I realize that timeouts, stern words, and consequences weren’t always the answer. Sometimes they worked, but I often found myself asking, “What if I can’t stop my child—not just today, but in the future? What type of person will they become then?”
It’s easy to picture the worst when you’re dealing with an angry child, especially when you’re homeschooling and life feels intense. But I’ve learned a few things about handling anger—both my child’s and my own—that I wish I’d known back then. I hope these reflections can offer some comfort and guidance to you as you walk this journey with your own children!
How to Stop the Anger
There are many reasons why kids get angry. It could be stress, food sensitivities, past trauma, or simply frustration. But when those angry moments come, here are three things I’ve learned to help manage myself—and in turn, help my child.
1. Don’t Escalate
When my kids got angry, my emotions would often rise, too. It’s so easy to match their intensity, especially when you’re in the middle of a hectic homeschool day and trying to keep everything on track. But when I escalated, things got worse. The kids would justify their own anger because I was angry, too. The situation spiraled, and nothing was resolved.
What helped me, and what I encourage other parents to do, is to step back. Take a deep breath. When you stay calm, it helps your child calm down, too. This is easier said than done, I know. But with time and practice, I’ve learned that remaining calm is the first step to bringing peace into an angry moment.
2. Don’t Project an Angry Future
When my kids were little—especially my adopted kids—I worried about their anger. I feared what the future might hold. Would they grow into angry adults? Would their struggles follow them into adulthood?
Now, looking back with one child at 35 and another at 14, I can say that things do change. With therapy, patience, and a lot of prayer, most of the anger I saw in those early years has faded. It didn’t happen overnight, but with the right tools and support, my kids learned to manage their emotions.
So if you’re in the thick of it right now, don’t let today’s struggles convince you that this is a lifelong issue. Kids can and do change with the right help, and what feels overwhelming today might just be a memory in the years to come.
3. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
For so long, I felt like I had to handle my child’s anger—and my own—by sheer willpower. I thought if I just tried harder, I could be calm. But over the years, I’ve learned that I don’t have to do it alone. God is there to help us every step of the way.
When I found myself overwhelmed, I turned to prayer. When the anger in my home felt too much, I’d pause and ask God to give me wisdom and strength. And He did. I’d open my Bible and find verses that reminded me that His grace was enough, even in the most difficult moments. His presence calmed my heart, and when I was calm, I could better help my kids.
In homeschooling, where we’re both teachers and parents all day long, it’s easy to feel like the weight of everything rests on our shoulders. But we don’t have to carry that weight alone. God is with us, offering His strength and wisdom, and it makes all the difference.
Walking in Grace
Now, with decades of parenting behind me, I can see the growth in myself and my children. We still have moments of anger—after all, parenting isn’t easy—but I’ve learned to lean on God through it all. He helps me stay calm and reminds me not to worry about the future. When I focus on today and trust Him to guide me, I’m better equipped to help my children.
Whether your kids are little or nearing adulthood, remember that you’re not in this alone. God is walking with you, helping you every step of the way. You can stay calm because He is your strength. And when you’re calm, you can better help your children find peace, too.
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