Paint a Better Picture

Audio By Carbonatix

Ask a random group of people whether they live too far away or too close to their extended family and I’m sure you will get a variety of answers. As is true with anything else, the grass always appears greener on the other side. There’s a person wishing they could live closer to their relatives sitting next to a person who can’t get far enough away.

In my case, I think it would have been nice to live closer than 13 hours from my family, but circumstances just didn’t allow it. I was called, with my wife, to West Michigan to begin a marriage and family ministry while my parents continued to live in South Carolina. They’ve both passed away, and I regret that the opportunities to see each other were few and far between. I know that my mom would have loved to be closer to her grandkids and to have been a more intimate part of their lives. But this is what I believe was the calling for my family—to lead and start this organization called Winning At Home. It’s part of the cost you incur for trying to do something that will have a greater impact on others. Ask anyone who’s experienced it and they’ll tell you it’s not a call you can easily ignore, regardless of some of the sacrifices involved.

Years ago, when they were both still living, I drove down to my parents’ house to simply paint the inside of their house for them. Instead of money, cologne, flowers, or candy, I thought this would be a great gift to celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Putting on a smile and a coat of paint turned out to be a great way to brighten the walls and our relationship. When you live far apart, time together is sometimes the best gift of all.

After purchasing all the materials needed for the job, I set out to work, while my mom took residence in a chair to be there with me. Much of the time that we talked, my mom was choked with emotion. The tears would roll slowly down her cheek, much like how the paint would drip down the wall. At 80, her emotions were spread out all over and I can honestly say mine were also moving up and down along with the paintbrush. I shared with her about the children and our life in Michigan and she listened, absorbing every word while the walls soaked up the paint.

When you don’t get a lot of time together, the moments you are with each other can be more intense. When I asked my mom if she would love to go back and have a few hours with her mom and share the same kind of thoughts, she nodded and the floodgates opened again. Now, don’t think we spent the whole day crying, because there was also a lot of laughter.

The point is to make time for your family when you can. If there are relatives, including parents, who make you feel stressed or irritated, then make your visits short or be sure to include an activity, instead of just sitting around talking. If you live a great distance away, then book a hotel room if too much time together creates anxiety. Just do what you know you can handle and not what you or others think you should do. If you don’t make time now, there may not be time later.